namethat

words

2012-01-31T08:08:00.000-08:00

He told me he went through my blog that's why he didn't sleep for a whole 24 hours.

Seriously, masam?

Anyway, went through some of em and I like this a lot:

" To my dearest love.

Hold on with me.
Because your strength is mine,
and my strength is yours.

As much as I fear it,
I know you fear it too.

I know how much you hide, when you laugh and smile.
When you shrug it off like it's nothing but I can feel it.
How much it hurts when the rest of them fear you.

Keep me, because I'm planning to keep you too.

Love me, because I'm gonna show you how ugly I can truly get.
Even when the rest of them reject me, will you too?

Thank you for being patient,for waiting, for knowing.

Grow stronger with me.

Rule the world with me.

Hunny, smile with me. "

So stone boy. Copy paste the above paragraph and print it or save it somewhere.
So when the thoughts get the better of you, read this and know.
I'm in this with you, and you're not alone.

Aside that, norapeedspeeds. I'm cute, thanks! <3

touche'

2012-01-29T22:44:00.000-08:00

"Can you be my doctor?"

hee.

hehohe!

2012-01-24T03:44:00.000-08:00

K nak berak.

here's where you wanna be.

2012-01-23T07:57:00.000-08:00

I remember checking this song out when one of my friend's gf was telling the
guy I was dating back then that she loved the beat.

Yeah I love the beat too. hoho.

Tho, the lyrics are very, explicit.

Meh!

"This ain't no pretty girl rock."

milo ais

2012-01-18T21:23:00.000-08:00

It would be so easy to blame others for this weakness of mine.
So easy to come terms with it, thinking some other shit external party set things
in motion internally.

So easy so I don't have to beat myself up, disappointed in myself.

Fck damn, like I don't know I have to change because someone special wants me
as his wife?
Like I don't know there are so many habits I have to throw?

MehMehMeh. They're just reminding.

But still.

Buttocks!

fck thisss!

2012-01-17T07:16:00.000-08:00

i don't know.

diam ah. irrits.

camera

2012-01-07T00:20:00.000-08:00

I love the colour quiz. Helps me to analyze my feelings and put it down in words.
Especially when everything is jumbled up inside.

Your Desired Objective

"Is optimist but will set impossible and unobtainable goals for himself. Has been extremely disappointed in the past and looks at life with disgust and hopelessness. Needs a break and a chance to recover from her depression, in a worry-free environment."

I know it's only been a week since the end of the contract, but heck man, I need a job. T_T I hate being inactive.

ice syrup

2012-01-06T01:19:00.000-08:00

I see you looking at me. And damn, i felt those butterfly wings, just with a lil bit more wing.

Masam. I love you abit more each day.

duro!

2011-12-30T00:39:00.000-08:00

JYEAH

last day last day last day!

we could've had it all.

2011-12-18T00:12:00.000-08:00

Even if you're angry with the world,
even if you want to push me away.

Even if I seem to not care,
you're all I think about.

potted

2011-12-12T08:13:00.000-08:00

rly. I hate digging it all up.

What do I get?
I need the patience.

blue.everythg is blue.

2011-12-02T23:29:00.001-08:00

Mcm taik babi.
Hate the fck all.
Hate the fckg emotions.
Hate pms.
Hate the ppl.

Whtfckever.

2011-11-27T07:23:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time, in a faraway land, a young prince lived in a shining castle.

Although he had everything his heart desired, the prince was spoiled, selfish, and unkind. But then, one winter's night, an old beggar woman came to the castle and offered him a single rose in return for shelter from the bitter cold. Repulsed by her haggard appearance, the prince sneered at the gift and turned the old woman away.

But she warned him not to be deceived by appearances, for beauty is found within. And when he dismissed her again, the old woman's ugliness melted away to reveal a beautiful enchantress. The prince tried to apologize, but it was too late, for she had seen that there was no love in his heart. And as punishment, she transformed him into a hideous beast and placed a powerful spell on the castle and all who lived there.

Ashamed of his monstrous form, the beast concealed himself inside his castle, with a magic mirror as his only window to the outside world. The rose she had offered was truly an enchanted rose, which would bloom until his 21st year. If he could learn to love another, and earn her love in return by the time the last petal fell, then the spell would be broken. If not, he would be doomed to remain a beast for all time.

As the years passed, he fell into despair and lost all hope. For who could ever learn to love a beast?

Cogsworth: Well Your Highness, I must say everything is going just swimmingly. I knew you had it in you, ha ha!
Beast: I let her go.
Cogsworth: Yes, yes, splen - You... what? How could you do that?
Beast: I had to.
Cogsworth: Yes, but, but, but... but... why?
Beast: Because... I love her.

I still love this fairytale.

a cup of tea

2011-11-27T06:37:00.000-08:00

Just to remind myself since my diary is dead.
(Im sorry diary, maybe one day I shall use you again.)

It hurts knowing I was never the first one who made your heart skipped a beat.
The one that made you catch your breath.

I will never be the pretty model, that confident dancer.
The girl guys go "WOW" the moment she steps in the room.
I'm just a normal girl here, trying to live my own life.
Planning and sometimes, realising a little too late that God decides things.
By then, either my angry got the best of me, or my sanity is on the brink due to my
unstable emotions.Sometimes ah. Im naturally a happy person.

HOHO LIKE A SANTA BABY.

I'm really selfish.

I will never be the only one who made you melt with just a smile.
Other guys don't have that effect on me. Maybe Chris Evans, but he's unattainable.

Anyway Im in a masochist mode.
Delibrately recalling the past because I like to feel the pain.

THEN WHAM!
Wah syiok.

EEEEEEEEEEE sick sia nura. oh well!

I initially wanted to type smtg else, but ah. This will do.

Just reminding myself,
sometimes really, there's ntg special about me to make people stay.

pencils

2011-11-23T16:52:00.000-08:00

I guess one of the things about her which I truly hate,
would be the fact that whenever she wants her way and she'll sulk and pout
about it, you'll never be happy and will be miserable with it.

And I think she notices the fact that you're miserable and tearing up inside
but 1) she doesn't think it's her fault 2) you owe her.

Just dying inside abit, day by day.
Never truly having a fcking soul cos she wants you, to be perfect.

Like the true you was never perfect to begin with.
Like the initial you was actually broken, damaged and you need her to be whole again.

And the fck thing is, sometimes I yearn for the love.
Yearn for that acceptance cos no one can replace her.

Someone should have told me to stop hoping, grow up and never look back.

girl_angst

2011-11-22T04:48:00.000-08:00

Ok! Time to complain.

First and foremost,let's address pink jam.
I have said 'I hate you' to myself countless times. Alarming?
It's normal to me,honestly. And what should I do? Like I knw?
Should I care in finding the ans? I want to take my time. Becos in
my opinion, should I put in the effort when you obviously dnt?
Ooh,just cos u tried last time,n it had no effect on us, u feel it's our loss?
Every single freaking time, I give in to pink jam, pink jam feels
it's time to conquer.

Summre so half assed. Make half assed decisions only to decide
later you're done with it. Least you could have done, see it through
that someone's thre to cover.beh complain. Berkire2. Kims,aku kluarkn
duit, tak bising la pat sini. Jgn nk step kau sorang jelah jage.Aku takde, busuk
tu dapur. Makanan pun, kau tanye sape? Aku jugak kan, padahal sapenye keputusan?

beh nak maki ah mase depan aku. Ah buat. Semua la sia salah aku. Tikus mati pun sebab aku pe.

secondly, baldi naga.
Wah ni syiok gile abuk. Uhm helo? Umur brape,baldi? Kau pun same
kelompok laaa. Faced with a situation which you cnt control, you take the easy way
out and blame the nearest person.
Kes mcm, eh apehal kau mcm gini? Sebab mak bapak aku perangai mcm gitu.
Yelaaa otak buat penuhkan space per pt dlm. Beh, nak marah2 bende lain.
Kau da takde kasih syg pe? Da fck care ngan idup? Eh tu kereta tk bersalah pun
kau nk salahkn jgk? Dgr2 kau tkleh ubah ah? Wtf is tis?

Thirdly, blue file.
Wah wah. Da start. da start balik ngan grp kau? Kes, aku tkleh buat ape2
jadi aku salahkn kau. Da start imply aku bodoh, aku tk tau fikir.
Dgr2 selame ni, sape yg ikut ckp kau? Sape yg fikirkn mcm mane nk tlg kau?
Sape yg buat bynk bende sendiri? Bile kau mintk tlg, aku ade tak layan? Aku tau
Aku tk sebaik jam atau kau ah. Tapi aku tk sampai nk gunekan kau utk kepentingan aku.
Aku tau kau susah,aku cuba tolong. Even if im nt capable, I tried. Eh, tapi
Da biase lah. Org salahkn aku bile aku tk sengaje atau bile aku nk tlg.

Aku ni kan,bodoh,tak tau jage kucing,ingatkan kawan je, mcm paham.
Bengap, tk tau fikir,otak letak pt jubo, irritating, initiative semua tkde.
Menyusahkn org, makan mcm binatang, tak lawa langsung, handwriting mcm cakar ayam.

Senang kate, tak gune aku ade,sebab aku stakat punching bag dan suke menyusahkn org.

That felt smewhat gd.

flowers

2011-11-21T00:58:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling abit lovey dovey mushy wushy.

Highest of high.

Dzulmasam. At times I just want to punch you so hard cos
I don't get why you do such things.

Then when I finally comprehend,
I want to lift you up (YES BLOODY LIFT YOU) and toss you so I can
hear you scream and then when we tumble,
we laugh so hard til our sides hurt.

Nura shy! yeah right you tuds.

TO NORAPEEDSPEEDS.

I know you're following me right now you cheeky thing.

I may not say it as much,
but i love you norapeedspeeds.

mrowr

2011-11-20T05:16:00.000-08:00

-_-

DAMN IT.

ANOTHER FREAKING DAY AND I CAN'T GO ON WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT HIM.

I guess it's normal.
DAMN IT.

ARGH.

*go stalks him on fb*

damnit I crave his laughter.

*runs around screaming*

IT'S NOT NORMAL!

flower power

2011-11-14T17:51:00.000-08:00

benci. benci. benci.

As I've said to him,
"I need my time to myself, but I can't seem to get it."

I feel so damn all over the place, I need to organize my things
and I feel so frustrated not being able to do anything.

Well, at least I got myself a guy cardi.
Wow, that really made my day.

Maybe I need more retail therapy.

Surprise! For a so ugly girl like me.

post

2011-11-06T06:02:00.000-08:00

*goes back to that dream*

clothes

2011-11-06T00:53:00.000-07:00

I want to own a freaking stable.
Be a freaking cowgirl or smtg.

I hate, hate confining space.
I hate people who suck my breathing air and filling it with
their freaking negativity.
As if I don't have my own negativity to deal with.

I hate knowing I wasted my time in Poly.

I hate feeling I've just missed out on smtg important.

And, I absolutely hate the whole shit load of people who refuses to be considerate
of me, and they freaking expect me to think of them.

Oh yeah, I hate people who go up to me and be on her side when they don't even know her.
No, they just listen, and automatically WHAM I'm on her side, Nura, too bad.

But then again, I don't expect them to understand. They don't know her like I do.
They don't know the feelings like I do. No shit. But I kinda expected them to
understand that they don't and just be by MY side.
Bleah I'm such a female, but seriously.

Do they know how lonely it feels? Like it's not bad enough my own flesh and blood mentally tortures me, I don't need my close ones to do the same.

BUTTT (backside!) the truth hurts and just goes to show I need to do a few things.
with my life.

srs

2011-10-18T08:05:00.000-07:00

see. with that 1 fcking reply, ive already striked you off my list.

i guess im being too unreasonable/rash.

wtv, if they can act like shit, i can act like liquid shit.

eeeeeeeeee.

2011-10-11T08:25:00.000-07:00

Dear Dzulmasam. HEHHHH

I hate you, sometimes. really. like when you refuse to come on time, tho now
you're improving. and when girls give you attention, esp those in bikini oh gosh, tho it's not your fault youre born all manly and hansome-ey.(if theres such a word, wtv.) when you scare me, PURPOSELY SUMMORE! then you try to elbow me, and try to teach me defensive moves and i forget them the next minute because to me, why bother when my hands are too puny and i dont have your kind of physical strength.

heck im so womanly.

but honestly, I love those sides of you. all of you. I find them amusing and
like I said, those who don't want to know you, will never like you. unless they're somewhat the opposite gender. wait a minute. you've attracted the same gender too. ok wtv. you get what i mean.

Yes I admit, I've talked bad about you last time and I told you all what I've told the others. I have nothing to hide from you and I hope you have nothing to hide from me either.

I like your honesty, as harsh as it can be. I like your protectiveness. so fierce, guess i envy it cos i don't have it. I love your many expressions. I love it when your eyes crinkle at the sides cos you're laughing or grinning too hard and you make me grin too. I love the way you're so passionate about a lot of things. I love the fact you love cats. I love it whenever you need to fix things. I think it's a man thing. hahahahahah! I love the fact you give me random things at the most random moments. As if you can't help it.

The more I think I don't like your ways, thinking would I be happier with a character from a sappy romance book, the more your ways seem to suit me.

And I can't help it, you seem to suit me just fine.

I love the fact that even after 12 months plus of officially being together with me,
you don't treat my vulnerability and my moody moments as a joke.

You treat me as if I'm strong enough yet at the same time you've got my back.

And I appreciate that, lumberjack.

You don't treat me like a joke, and I will always love you for that.

Here's to our 1 year and, hopefully, God willing, to our future. ;)

siak je

2011-10-04T00:47:00.000-07:00

" Eh kau first aid kan? Siak nye pompuan!"
- budak kecik, perpustakaan nye org.

eheh.

Geh, I can feel the past sucking me in again.

GEH.

To Nura,

Happy advanced birthday babygirl.
We went through some nasty people but I'm pretty sure karma will bitch em back
cos you'll never walk alone. (ceh step soccer pat sini).
You're going to be wait wait wait,

TWENTY?!?!?

Give it 1 more year and you'll be an adult!

I don't know if we should celebrate or not, I mean come on, to celebrate
more responsibilites?
or more independence?

I wanted to go to the zoo but someone had to spoil it and ask for a day off
on a different day and you know how i feel with asking for too many off days.
Hehh tau2 jelah sape eh.

And so far, we only have 1 regret but we can't change the past now can we?

Hopefully time will help us shake off the regret.

Happy advanced bday Nura.

-Love, your most adorable girl. nurakins!

if its in the way

2011-09-16T07:25:00.000-07:00

hhmmmm mkay.

perkare same babe, tetap same.

prangai sialan, semua2 best per.

takde gune.

takle diam satu2?

world

2011-09-11T18:18:00.000-07:00

As of now,

the world hates me and I hate the world too.

I hate them.
I hate you, him, her and them.
And I bet your blue hair they hate me too.

Whatever.

I think it's dead. Like a deadweight or something.
Like beating against a cement wall.
No cracks and somehow a part of me wish there was 1, so I could bathe in the light.
or smtg cheesy like that.

I want to crawl or smtg but then I just want to lay down.
Dream, escape.

Such a brat. me that is. coward, good for nothing.
i guess.

whatever.

spring cleaning!

2011-09-03T07:43:00.000-07:00

I'm in love.

Ni macam punya husky, I banyak suka loh.

I question myself too much nowadays.

Yup, I still feel abit like in a dream.

"Every man has his own demons and his own way of dealing with them."
-Heather Graham, Deadly Harvest

people

2011-08-29T09:32:00.001-07:00

They lie, all the time.

I should stop with my expectations.

Da kate manusia, nak buat macam mane.

Hidup tetap susah.

moves

2011-08-29T08:39:00.000-07:00

First time I realised sia.
Dang he's quite hot.
Not my usual type (hunny buns AHHAHAHAHAH) but yeah, quite hot.

and yeah christina aguilera punye bibir, mhmhmmmmm <3.

eheehh

til i let him in.

2011-08-27T17:55:00.000-07:00

yo hunny buns, yeah the one with the tight buns.
yeah the one in army, hunny buns.
The one who gets angry at the cutest things.

The one who goes all possesive and alpha male on me when I'm not as pretty as the rest.
And ssh, don't tell the others, but this libra loves an alpha male.

The one who realises that finally, a cover doesn't determine the book's contents.

Yeah I'm talking about that good lookin fellow over there.
Who loves to contradict himself but that's just one of the sweeter qualities I love.

You tell it like it is hunny buns.

Look hunny buns, we're here. After making the other going through the pain & shitty things.

Gimme some sugar, hunny buns.

No longer hiding from each other.

Hoho love me in penguin suit?

oh god.

2011-08-20T09:22:00.000-07:00

I hate it when I discover I kinda enjoy reading that damn website.
Well, cos the pictures were somewhat entertaining.

I want to know that I'm waaay different from her.
But aside than our different taste in music and her language,
she bloody reminds me when I was super vulnerable.

When a bloody someone manipulated me into breaking, ripping away my walls around me, so that certain bloody someone can actually feel the kick of feeling important.

And when I read some snippets of when she's really insecure and all those things,
siol ah. maaf kate ah eh, mcm aku sia. last time ah. heh.

Well maybe not like me. The way she thinks.

I don't know what to think.

A part of me is surprised that you still do that to the one whom you supposedly love.

She: likes to cling? weak without you, seems strong with you but in the end, she ain't whole without you. What, when you're with her, the both of you are whole again?

You: stronger than life. cos someone needs you.but you can actually move forward if you were to leave her behind. because bloody hell, you've never given yourself fully to another before.

It's like a repeat situation.

Only maybe this time, you're for real.maybe cos you've found the one, and you love truly madly deeply or wtv ppl do when they've found true love or first love or wtv.

But i'm seriously doubting it, but hey, who am I?

Just a nura observing things.
Speculating.

Things are spinning out of control, but don't worry.
I'm not on your side.

THANK GOD IM OUTTA HERE.

like this

2011-08-20T06:46:00.000-07:00

"If he gets away from you with just that,then he's bound to get away
from you at some point."

"Just a moment ago, I was all he was looking at."

-Watashi ni xx Shinasai!

Haiz, I'm such a fool for love situations like these.

harumph.

2011-08-20T05:12:00.000-07:00

I can't help it sia.

One piece makes my day.

haiz.

best.

2011-08-06T05:37:00.000-07:00

I feel anxious.
I AM BLOODY SWEATING SIA.

yay puasa puasa.

Haiz. I guess for this month, one of the things that gave me strength will be this:

Her: Ohh. good2.. at least you're happy with one.

I guess I never told her, but that filled my heart and really made my day.

Funny how a stranger can tell you things you've been longing to hear for years.
And you barely knew her.

Allah, thank you even if I'm only working with her for two weeks.

I guess even he can get a lil bit pissed with everyone telling him not to do it anymore. As much I know everyone can sidetrack from the right path, I honestly doubt he'd be an idiot to do it again.

Somehow I wish I can tell that to everyone when I know their intention is good towards him.

Bet he feels abit suffocated too with all the "Don't do it anymore" kinda thing.

Cmon la, even if it's only for 6 months, to confine him in there, it's extremely miserable sia.

He's as active as I am.
We need to move around anyway.

I really wanna shake this, anxiety.
It's like waiting for idk. A huge ass opportunity that's gonna change my life or smtg.
Or chocolate. haha. either way, I'd be happy.

haiz.

2011-07-05T08:47:00.000-07:00

Heh. i wonder.

truly,all those emotions are much more significant than me?
*pouts*
truly, i don't deserve patience like them?

but then again, i still haven't given myself fully.

the ring hunny.

cardio!

2011-07-05T07:52:00.000-07:00

"Girl you always on my mind, got my head up in the sky
And I'm never looking down feeling priceless, yeah
Where we at, only few have known
Go on the next level, Super Mario
I hope this works out, Cardio
'Til then let's fly, Geronimo "
-Far East Movement ft Ryan Tedder`Rocketeer

I don't need sweet words to make it right.
I just need you.

woo!

2011-07-04T09:05:00.000-07:00

Wow Joe Jonas looks more man. ahah!

nura likes manly.
hohoho.

I feel more organized with the self-help books.
hahha i feel abit pathetic but oh well, we all gotta start somewhere.

"I've never heard silence quite this loud."
-Taylor Swift`The Story of Us

speaker.

2011-07-03T07:49:00.000-07:00

For tonight, I'll read love stories just to feel.

I don't know, what or who am I.
I can't feel. anything anymore. as stupid as that sounds.

them love stories can break the dam inside.
the dam must be an automatic defense thingy.
i dont know if i should be grateful or not.

i dont know what i should do. with myself.

i truly love pain.

"You don't deserve them."

I never understood what I do deserve anyway.
what am i good for ? even i don't know it.

can i be pure once more? the feeling was just there, now im too numb.
maybe if i let myself feel again.
but it'll be too overwhelming, what would i do then?
i don't have an inner anchor.

them people who have it, i am jealous.
if i can feel jealousy.

i wonder, why am i so disposable?

lampu!

2011-06-29T07:57:00.000-07:00

well. I did get a few chores done.
So in a way, a productive week?

*dances to Basshunter*

hahahahah!

I think I need peedah.

lampus!

2011-06-28T09:39:00.000-07:00

I wonder when they say 'I know you, Nura', do they really?

Do they know my strengths and weaknesses?
Do they know the past me or the current me?
no not curry me.

Do they think, 'No nura won't ever change.'

I wonder. eh gatal la garok2.

gross.

2011-06-26T10:10:00.000-07:00

No fcking respect.

"Oh look at me, i'm a mother and my daughter is so indecent but who cares I love her long time and I support her in whatever she does. Of course, I think she's doing a favour by posing so indecently in both of her fb accounts. And why is her gorgeous ex-bf with someone whose looks obviously can't compete my daughter's?! ceh can't compare to my baby at all! So what I should do now is SUBTLY try to brainwash her good looking buff ex-bf into thinking my daughter is actually a good girl and she is more worthy of him. the past is the past anyway. More like, I should manipulate the bf into seeing my baby more. The more he sees her, confirm terpautnye! that tudung girl doesn't stand a chance when compared with a sexbomb like my baby! "

-The mother who doesn't know how to respect other people's relationship and leave people the hell alone.

I wonder why can't I have the same response when it came to someone tarnishing my name in order to tarnish another person's name.

Hey, let's all hate on Nura when SHE DIDN'T FCKING DO ANYTHING TO US! YAY US WHO HAVE NO FCKING LIVES!! xoxo

cats

2011-06-23T19:32:00.001-07:00

mcm taik babi!

you can go wherever you like.

2011-06-14T00:34:00.000-07:00

As for those who have rejected (these truths), it is all the same whether or not you warn them, for they will not believe. Allah has sealed their hearts and their hearing, and a covering has fallen over their eyes. They deserve severe chastisement. (Al-Baqarah 6 & 7)

There is a diesease in their hearts and Allah has intensified their diesease. A painful chastisement awaits them for their lying. (Al-Baqarah 10)

Have faith in Him.

template.

2011-06-06T20:28:00.000-07:00

I need an energizer now.

meh.

2011-05-31T10:52:00.000-07:00

meh.

meh.

=(

takpelah.I'm used to it by now.

haiz.

2011-05-24T08:54:00.001-07:00

Honestly.I don't know anymore.

I've become impulsive all over agn.
And I hate waiting.

pport.

2011-05-22T20:40:00.000-07:00

My bf paid 4 dollars so the both us could play the virtual roller coaster at Timezone.

It actually made my day. ahhahha. <3

and i cant believe he stalked me. AND I DIDNT EVEN SEE HIM. extremely suspicious.

I love you.

ily.

2011-05-18T21:07:00.000-07:00

To my dearest DBR. You may not say the things that I want to hear,
but they are the truth. And that's what I need, only you understand that need.

You rmbr the 'Carpathian' I told you about? NOT CARPENTER EH DBR.
Yeah well hee cheesy I know but.

Maybe, just maybe. I'm your light. When you flip and you want to go on a rampage,
baby I'm holding you down.With me.

I'm here baby.

popt.

2011-05-18T09:00:00.000-07:00

Dear God,( i know it's kinda weird fr me to doa here but hey, my blog kan.heh.)

I know you've been observing us. I know you know what happened this morning and
trust me, as much as I tried to be calm,I couldn't. I broke down, just abit.

What did I do to her? Shouldn't I be hating her? Shouldn't I? What did I do? Everytime, I try to be at peace with the people around me, they just have to
find something, an excuse to hate me.

I know the sins I've done can never be easily forgiven but aren't You the one who
gets to decide all that? Not them? So why? Why are they pushing me as if they have a right to decide whether I'm worthy of Your love or not? Who are they in Your eyes?

I hated myself. You know that. I hated my past and I truly regretted it. Was that not enough? Do they have to continue to blame me? Fine, I was in the wrong. And now what?

Do they like the sensational story about the girl who covers herself but was sinful when everyone else didn't see her? Do they? Do they have no lives or purpose that my name has to be brought up just to make someone's day? Do they find joy in creating stories about me, the past me? Just to make someone happy, they degrade me? Truly?

Consequences they say. I guess it's true. It's a bit too much for me to bear. Most of them are lies, but people will never believe me. Why should they, right?

I'm tired. I'm tired of people and their antics. I'm tired of home and I'm tired of school. I just want to slip away, be a coward for awhile instead of pushing them to one side and face another day.

He blamed me. How about You, God? Do you see past everything else and what's truly in me? Honestly, I can't differentiate. Am I really not worthy to be with You?

I'm tired. I just want to sleep. The world, it's too noisy now.

one of the boys.

2011-05-17T06:34:00.000-07:00

Don't worry DBR.

I'll love you right.

imma cute.

2011-05-02T07:36:00.000-07:00

Super jealous and super insecure.

Got to work on it.

spearmint.

2011-04-27T07:09:00.000-07:00

Dear Nura,

I think I know why you kept on singing that song.
Yeah you shouldn't wallow yourself in self-pity you know.
Yeah maybe I should grant you some time for yourself then.
Yeah you would rather focus more on your shortcomings because it's more important to improve.

But it's ok to be happy with yourself once in awhile you know.
C'mon, you're only human.

Me? I'm just a cactus.

Love, Sanchiko.

immaculate?

2011-04-22T09:57:00.000-07:00

Ok wanted to post a vid here but the codes are not available.

It's a sad song anyway.
But the video dammit! mah.

ok bye nak shower <3

you wanna be,

2011-04-14T21:55:00.000-07:00

=D

One day, one day.

I am somehow attracted to the guy in the wheelchair in Glee.
Peeds would know why. hahahahhahaha.

^^Y soon. God willing.

;)

2011-04-14T09:00:00.000-07:00

Yes I do get the urge to do what they do, but I should really stop
trying to make myself look like one of those shallow a-holes eh?

Not that I'm saying all of them are a-holes, but you know what I mean.

I can't help it, I do get sucked into their undesirable view of how things/life
should be, sometimes.

I apologize to both myself and DBR.
I know I am a tad,ok maybe alot difficult especially when my hormones are going through some sort of civil war inside.

haha

2011-04-12T11:06:00.000-07:00

To DBR,

I love you.

Collect duit bynk2 k babyboy(Hahahaahaha).

Nura pon chiong pat sini k.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!

(no more "I wish she was more likeshitetcttcetcttetctctctelettucekau.")

*thumbs up biatches!*

Ok i have to stop posting about him. hahahahah

2011-04-12T00:35:00.000-07:00

Yeah baby!
Well let's see.
I have nice cheeks, nice smile despite my yellow teeth, super cute, super adorable, superrrr lame, super hyper, super sexy(according to him), still sexy despite banglas laughing at my falling tudung, am independantttttttttttttttttttttttt womaaaaaaaaaannnn naooooooooooo and many100 more.

See, love is never supposed to make you feel like you just lost some part of yourself.

He doesn't make me feel like I have to impress him.
It's ok to be a kid around him.
And he's a kid around me. Actually around a lot of ppl.
Then they will give him the 'wtf, act like your age'face.

At the end of day, I know you.
I can say that proudly and you know me. :)

OK BYE

;

2011-04-08T08:41:00.000-07:00

cheebai.
sial.

buat salah.
tak buat salah.
nak letak hidup aku dlm roster ah sotong.

i hate you, i hate this house.
i hate your drama, and i hate your love.
i hate your paranoia and i hate your insecurities.
i hate your jealousy and i hate your loyalty.
i hate your concern and i hate your screwed up dream of a family.

i hate you for not loving us enough to see what's wrong with us and yourself.
i hate you for not loving him, him and him enough.
i hate you for hating her because she's obviously doing a better job.
instead of doing all of us a favour and cooperating with her so all of us can live peacefully as one family, you do the damn opposite.
and you still refuse to see the damage you're doing to all of us.

you're still seeing only yourself and not the bigger picture;us.

but it's ok. the rest of the whole world got your back, who needs us?

pol

2011-04-08T08:17:00.000-07:00

Haiz. takde harapan sia.

rumah ni lagi satu. irrits.

if i never knew you.

2011-04-06T01:32:00.000-07:00

I guess it's true, the magic is gone from Disney. :(

taking over.

2011-04-03T07:36:00.000-07:00

=)

I know I shouldn't have skipped my class
but, it was a nice feeling to talk with him til 5am.
All those feelings and thoughts back then, yeah well.
Baby, you made me smile.

Crazy huh?

stupppped

2011-03-29T09:53:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I am grateful for the emotional pain I had to go through.

It does make you stronger, and in a way, makes you realize what's really happening beneath those smiles.

Thank you God.

I'm kinda scared for everyone's arteries tho.
Slick with butter! O_O

cyoot!

2011-03-27T03:46:00.000-07:00

and!

AND

Yeah the above is edible. Cake balls. haha.
been awhile since i've seen a rainbow.

gotta find out how to make playdoh like muffins. Hmm.

nurabuke!

2011-03-21T21:27:00.000-07:00

Hmm.

1) DEFINITELY COOKIES.

2) er.maybe chicken?

I don't know, but I need to eat something sweet later. Ok 7.16pm, wait for me! :D

patron

2011-03-18T23:40:00.000-07:00

Things to do :

1) Bloody clean your bloody jb room. :/

2) Pictures. :/

3) Recipes. :/

4) I need more time. I don't get how this can be on my to do list, but wtv. I need more time. Screw things back at hme! Bloody think of yourselves only.

<3, Nura.

million lil stars.

2011-03-15T07:57:00.000-07:00

I was supposed to start on my assignment.
BUTTT cos I've just finished eating.
And well, I just get really sleepy after eatg.

I know, perangai gemok.

AHAHAHHAHAHA <3

candy nights.

2011-03-14T23:58:00.000-07:00

Honestly I hate multi tasking.
I know I sound like a man, but hey, my bf can multi task so I guess we make up
for each other's weaknesses eh?

I guess you can say I was quite shocked when he said I'm, beautiful.
coming from him, esp.
Hee I shy.

Anyway, I'm bored. Aside the classes during my weekends, really.
It's like I'm waiting for life to just pass by.
I'm searching for PT jobs, but. bleargh.

Hey, I love the fact you were able to withstand my annoying self.
Well, there's more to come.
cringe?

im so fcked.

2011-02-26T07:03:00.001-08:00

in the state im in right now, i feel a drunken woman who's lost everything but maybe her hair.

i guess you can say smtg like, a white curtain which hasnt been washed for ages and dust has hopped into its pretty little threads making it really undesirable.

i dont get wtv i just typed back there, but wtv wtv makes me happy ah eh. i can finally laugh out loud.

to st,

2011-02-26T02:18:00.000-08:00

i did it again,
even when i told myself not to,
i did it again.

i wonder when am i gg to learn?

quick meal soln.

2011-02-25T23:44:00.000-08:00

It's like a red haze,
when the muscle at the side of the mouth ticks.

The trembling when everything is held baack from being released.

It's been ages, years maybe, when I feel like this.

Oh I don't know, sec 3 maybe?

you

2011-02-24T01:08:00.000-08:00

it's that lull when you've spent too many nights together.
it's that lull which feeds on your insecurities and grows even bigger, leaving
you weaker and even more vulnerable to your thoughts.

your wall becomes stronger and taller without meaning to.
and they don't seem to notice it even when they're conversing with you.
not like you want them to notice it anyway,
it's extremely uncomfortable when they do.

you thought you weren't stupid enough to repeat their mistakes but the thing is,
it happens.

I know you bared it once, you don't want to show it again.
It feels like it's the same damn obstacle again and again but you just never seem to get pass the first hurdle.

You actually tried to get past it but the hands that were supposed to be there with all the sweet promises and love weren't there to begin with.
Oh how you fooled yourself before and you hoped you didn't have to fool yourself again.

I don't want to be like her, you see?
You of all people should know this better than anyone.
We've been trying to curb it but how do you suppress something that is so natural?

I was thinking that I was way past this, but the reason I couldn't really leave it was because I chose to bury it rather than destroy it.

To forget and to forgive are two different things, everyone knows that.
You should know that.
And when they say to forget, they lie.
They didn't tell you that when you forget, some time in the future, it will come back.ironically.

Forget doesn't mean forgive.
But when you forgive, there's a high chance you'll forget too.

opieeeem

2011-02-24T00:33:00.001-08:00

fck them all!

mrowr

2011-02-18T20:14:00.000-08:00

I was thinking, there is more to life than this.

sialan

2011-02-17T05:33:00.000-08:00

ah sial, bobal ngan aku mcm takde tapis ah sial.
nb malas mau layan.

hissssss

2011-02-16T04:57:00.000-08:00

Those books are dangerous, they're way too addicting.

but she's so good with her plots ohjyeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Hmm maybe I should have a library on her books alone.

and enrique is super hot.

spaghets

2011-02-12T02:45:00.000-08:00

imma spagetthi ppl nao.

mcm sial.

2011-02-07T07:47:00.001-08:00

da start balik ah ni.

ah but sbesar dunia la sial.
nabey.

let it out.

2011-02-06T04:43:00.000-08:00

Beh. Embedding disabled my arse.

ahhahah that took awhile to sink in.

ok takpe inside joke.

imma get stronger just for you.
and for me.
and for us.

;)

dear

2011-02-04T04:18:00.000-08:00

Dear DBR.

I miss you terribly.
When will you come back to me?
I want to curl up next to you and sleep there.
So you can take away the pain and the worries,
and I can do the same to you.
So you can make me smile and laugh with your antics,
and I will do the same.

Love,me.

crazyshithaiad

2011-02-04T00:41:00.000-08:00

Stupid powerup songs.

dreams.

2011-02-03T07:10:00.000-08:00

Today I woke up almost crying.
I don't get why my dreams are so cruel sometimes.
I called out your name, repeatedly.
It took awhile for me to realize it would never reach you.

Why would you want to give your time to comfort me, just because
I was scared of a stupid dream like that?

You certainly think I'm not worth your time, for the time being.

Don't they all?

haiz.

2011-02-02T07:18:00.000-08:00

It kinda gets to you. When you're unsure of the situation, you just make up
some random theory to give you hope. So you can look forward to something that was made entirely from your delusional state of mind. But that's the thing, as long as there is hope and maybe love, you cling onto it. You decide that if nothing has denied your theory, then screw reality and you shall be happy with your own fantasy. But because you put the worst case scenario at the pit of your mind, the moment that worst case scenario becomes the reality, you crash. It hits you real bad, punishing you for believing in a crappy little thing called love. And it won't stop once, it hits you again and again and again. And then you crack. Even so, it still won't leave you alone.

Because you see, it punishes you for even believing and hoping, for that one little spark of life. When in fact, there was never something like that in the first place. It's like, I told you so kind of thing. Fools, we are.

imy.

2011-02-02T06:19:00.000-08:00

I guess the lyrics are kinda dirty but i still like this ver.

miao!

2011-01-30T03:25:00.000-08:00

I haven't been posting any pictures or vids lately, im too lazy. muahah.

YAY I know the basic arab words. muahahhaah im so happy.
Go nura go! me shall improve meself!

and me shall be happy with water this wednesday morning yay!

and me shall be happy me gets to see mes cousin! yay! yay yayy yayy!YYY!Y!

ok im too restless right now. must be the packing of schedules. hmrph.

be positive world! <3

mushroom

2011-01-29T06:59:00.000-08:00

Dear Nura,

I hope youve calmed down tho it just awhile ago you reprimanded your daddy for usg a harsh tone w you. I know people have been throwing their anger at you from all random directions but hang in there ok? I know you're pretty sensitive too so it makes it abit harder for you to contain. and i think it's cos youve been keeping everything inside instead of forgiving ppl so you kinda blew it out of proportion.

Hah, esp when ppl tell you to chill, you just wanted to rip off their heads right?
I know, ive been wanting to rip off their heads too. and sometimes when ppl tell you, 'hey others had it worse',you wanna rip off their heads and attach it back and rip it off agn right? dont worry, theyre dense.

I knw youve been trying to reason out with yourself so maybe you can make things right again, but dont worry k? it's all written already.

dont worry hunny, just hang in there with me.

love, nurachan.

bear.

2011-01-28T05:43:00.000-08:00

I just want to break.

aku penat.

2011-01-26T07:04:00.000-08:00

I might just be equally drained both mentally and emotionally.

Honestly hormones, why can't you behave so I can be a little bit more reasonable?

I just wanna curl up and sleep until the world calms down.

thats because.

2011-01-22T09:49:00.000-08:00

Oh God. Im so weary nowadays.
I blame that particular night of staying up just to finish a book.
But then again, I enjoyed the book.

And so far, I have been productive! I'm so proud of myself.
Hah. Though I still doubt what my real abilities are.

But then again, maybe one of them is to rise up to the occasion should there be a need. ;)

All right nura, you should most probably sleep, you have class tomorrow morning, your first class.

Abit excited, no?

toophat.

2011-01-07T08:02:00.000-08:00

To my DBR.

I want to do a short paragraph dedicated to you so
I can make you smile which will slowly turn into a grin and then you will
laugh out loud.

But the thing is, I can't think of anything right now.
All that's left is this intense feeling that I have for you.

This intense, overwhelming feeling which kinda took over my brain.
I can't even put together something really pretty.If only I could put myself into
my sentences, I wouldn't have to think. hahha.

All I'm receiving from my brain are just memories of us.of you.
And what I want to do to soothe the violence in you. to make you happy, happier.

It really should be simple you know? to construct a heartfelt paragraph just for you.

In the end, it's really your fault for overworking my brain.

power ranger nura!

2010-12-31T21:04:00.000-08:00

Did some self-reflecting today,
and,
I think I love myself more.

Even when the past events made me a wee bit bitter and made me doubt
my real worth, I realise, we just need more belief and hope in those around us.

I have my strength.Thank you God.

I miss them, are they too busy now?

used to

2010-12-25T09:14:00.000-08:00

when everyone was genuinely talking to you.
when you were genuinely talking to them too.

before the outsiders stained them.

so dirty, im a bit suffocated.

bills to pay.

2010-12-24T08:30:00.000-08:00

I'm in cloud 9, again.

You rmbr when I was crazy about you?
Even when I wasn't your type? haha..

I'm still crazy about you, you good lookin thing.

I still do want to take away your pain, even when I'm not capable to do so.
I know I learnt first aid! But your difficulty in breathing wasnt in it. I think.

Argh, words can hurt me.
But they can't break me apart.
And I know, you're one of them who has my back. :)
Oh God, please don't make it like last time.

Hunny, thank you.
For growing with me.

We'll grow again.
with our mini zoo yay!

undisclosed desires

2010-12-19T03:57:00.000-08:00

I know you suffered
But I don't want you to hide
It's cold and loveless
I won't let you be denied

Soothe me
I'll make you feel pure
Trust me
You can be sure

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

You trick your lovers that you're wicked and divine
You may be a sinner
But your innocence is mine

Please me
Show me how it's done
Tease me
You are the one

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

Please me
Show me how it's done
Trust me
You are the one

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

- Muse'Undisclosed Desires

please me.

2010-12-19T03:00:00.000-08:00

When people have been using you for a tool for so long,
do you recognize yourself after awhile?

The world is so ugly, I don't need a magnifying glass.

Wht dad said made a whole lot of sense, I wonder if the same thing happened to him.

Burnt, to a point you don't have the drive to be nice anymore.

Yup, guess the drive I was looking for was payment after all. From Him.

Sometimes I wish had a twin so I can calm myself down.

est amor

2010-12-15T01:30:00.001-08:00

Cos i've got you like you've got me.:)

Dear God, you know, i know. :)

muke penyek

2010-12-10T22:47:00.000-08:00

HAHAHAHHAHA

i love my bf.

2010-12-10T22:01:00.000-08:00

My bf is lame.

But my kind of lame.

And he's muscular.

But my kind of muscular.

He's actually kinda deaf.

But bearable. (AHAHAHHAA)

<3 Hey baby.

shsihi

2010-12-08T11:04:00.000-08:00

I had to fight this terrible inner war with myself.
Thanks to shishi cos you know, I was alone and my boyfriend fell asleep on me.
-..-

Anyway.

First and foremost.
Im gonna graduate in two more months AND GOOD RIDDANCE
TO EVERY BITCH I KNOW IN POLY.

That includes guys. cos you know, guys can be bitches. and when theyre bitches,
they arent guys anymore.

Their balls drop off the moment they attain the title.

Heh.

I'm just the kind of person who is unable to march right infront of the undesired person's face and spit venom there and then.
I'm too shy.

Heh again.

I'm so damn sick of the drama. and I shouldn't dwell in the past but it's like, there.
In your face.

moving on as I should have months ago, (AHAHHAHA)

My eyesight is getting worse now.
I can't even recognize ppl nowadays.

I'm too happy day dreaming in the lala land with my yourebloodydistracting bf.

hah hah eh serious kau mcm paham la tudung.

ahaahhahahhahahaha budak kental hhahahhahahahhahahahahahahahahhaha
sial btl.
i must have done smtg rly bad to get that.
she must have done smtg bad to get you.

My reward for enduring you is now him! <3

Thanks God. :)

bunuh

2010-12-08T08:34:00.000-08:00

told you not to peek.
see now you're itching for a fight right?
you want to skin him alive right?
you want to bring out all his allergies out and make him suffer right?

AHH f you la palabuts.

He does not deserve happiness.
I regret giving it to someone who's still an asshole.

but then hunny, who am I to say ?

Just remember this,
you were true and he wasn't.

One day ok? One day.

so many things.

2010-12-07T08:13:00.000-08:00

aku so syiok sendiri pat sini.

im saddened that sailors do cheat on their wives.